Now I don’t go into government buildings all that much, can’t remember the last time I did before this afternoon. I am not very familiar with the ways and means of those who are into the business of protecting the edifices of this government. Just today I had an almost run in with 5 security guards at the IRS office. Now I was just going about my business trying to get two tax books and forms so I could pay Uncle Scam his due. Now don’t get this old punkpink wrong, I don’t believe nor do I give a rats ass for the “render unto Caesar that which is Caesars crowd” as I can’t be as biblical as the next girl, nor do I care anything about sitting in jail because I refused to pay my taxes like a pacifist would. Don’t have those bones in me anymore. Why would I care for the state to have such power over me that I would freely go to jail over its murderous activities or any of the laundry list of activities that make the government buzz in the wrong way. We all know the list, no need to recite it here. Nope there is a better way for all of us but I am not going to tell anyone what I know as I am not going to land in jail because some half assed spy turns me in telling all sorts of sorry lies about me and my ways. But gotta say I like quite a bit of HAR HAR.
Here’s my little story here is how it goes, I went walking half way across downtown to get my 1040 EZ books and came face to face with some grumpy old guards, guarding the tax collecting arms of Uncle Scam.
“Take everything out of your pockets,” said Mr Seen His Better Day. Out came my keys, pen, cell phone, change purse, comb, and old wad of Kleenex. To think my snots would be going through the x-ray machine gave me a giggle. Well old Mr. Mess On The Side didn’t like that and got up from his chair and moved in closer to take a look at he who giggled. “Okay,” Mr. Seen His Better Day,” said, “go thorough.” BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. “Come back here” Now a Mr. Bit Handsome moved in closer “Do you have on a belt?”, he asked. “Of course I do don’t most folks our age wear a belt. “Take it off.” “Hey, man you should be telling folks what they should take off and put in the tray. You know like get a list and read from it if your old and tired and can’t remember the routine.”
Now Mr. Seen His Better Day got a bit threatening, “You want to go inside or not, cause I can keep you out.” “Well again,” I said, “you should really be telling folks what to do and not obstruct them from doing business with the government. Of course I want to go in and get my tax booklets so I can pay off Uncle Scam so he leaves me alone.” “You should tell folks upfront what you want them to take off, and not make them do a slow strip.” “All right, stop pushing me, take off your coat, put it and your backpack in the tray,” Mr. Seen His Better Day then told me pushing a tray that wouldn’t fit a roast beef in front of me. Of course my X-Clear and my bottle of Golden Seal had to show up in the x-ray machine causing Mr. Mess On The Side to ask, “Do you have any spray bottles in your pack?” “Yes sir, I have my medicine kit with me, the spray is a bottle of X-clear which is for when my sinuses act up.” To tell the truth something told me to open up the bottle and give it a little spray just so they would know that I didn’t have a dangerous chemical that would disfigure all the drones working helping poor folks be honest towards Uncle Scam even if Uncle Scam himself was one of the most dishonest folks running around in the world today. “What’s in that yellow spray bottle?” he asked. “That’s my Golden Seal, and no Golden Seal isn’t a dangerous chemical either, I always carry some when I go to work as if my throat starts scratching or I start to feel a cold coming on I take about 6 drops in a cup of hot water and gargle and swallow.” “Would you like to try some?” “Okay, your in,” growled Mr. Seen His Better Day. See boys, I am not a dangerous man out to blow this IRS building sky high. As if anyone would want to harm the tax collecting arm of Uncle Scam.
You know these folks pissed me off. They were very rude customer service guards who were old farts and should have known their routine by now. I could tell that a rocking chair would have been just the right job instead of bothering honest citizens out on the first leg of their journey to pay off Uncle Scam so he could keep his drums pounding, his war machine sounding and more and more going into all the wrong pockets.
Well, you know me I just had to do a little fun. Got almost near the door and let out the loudest BOOM that I could. BOOOOOM I sounded and did a little hop up in the air! I noticed in the glass door that Mr. Seen His Better Day jumped almost a mile if it wasn’t two. Hey man I better get the fuck out of here, lickity split down the road I went, not looking back just in case one of those dusty old beat ups were following me. As I ran I thought where is the alley. This city has too many long spaces between buildings and parking lots and no way could anyone jump from roof to roof like in the movies. How the hell could I hide out if I needed to. Maybe I thought I could go up to the back door of the Franciscan Friers, knocking and asking if they had a free sandwich. That would be a good disguise, just maybe they would let me in as I waited for Brother to make me a lunch. Wouldn’t hurt to knock on their back door sometime just to see if they would. I could use a free lunch just like anybody else you see on the street.
But really darling I just may need to go back to the IRS sooner or later so I got some looks together just in case. Will the real punk pink stand up please.