This piece was first published years ago on Punkpink is a Bandits tip. Today we dedicated this piece to our comrade Deric who loves buns and you can read on for which side he is on.
Since it is Easter Week for our Christian Buddies I thought we would have a little fun with some Hot Cross Buns. To get us in the festive mood let us all join in singing the Hot Cross Buns song. Now don’t be shy, you can do it. GO______
Now wasn’t that nice? So I want to tell you what I found out about Hot Cross Buns that old time favorite for the Easter Week. I also want to tell you a little story about a miracle in my studio kitchen that had our artist friends and many others standing in line, paying a quarter to go through my door. First we will start with the old tale and then work out from there.
This is a picture of a Hot Cross Bun.
According to legend Hot Cross Buns were eaten by the Saxons in honor of the goddess Eostre with the cross cut into the buns to symbolize the four quarters of the moon. Eostre was the goddess of dawn, rebirth and spring. She comes forth dressed in white bringing light to all ending the darkness and cold of winter. Symbols associated with her are the hare and egg. The Anglo-Saxon month Eostur-monath is the equivalent to the month of April.
During early missionary efforts, the Christian church adopted the buns and re-interpreted the cross in 1361. The buns along with Roman Catholicism was banned in England until Queen Elizabeth I passed a law allowing the consumption of Hot Cross Buns only on Easter, Christmas and funerals.
Most of us know that some religions have enough superstitions to fill the NYC phone book. If you would please add the magical powers of Hot Cross Buns on the appropriate page. Good religious people like the type that burned witches and faggots use to believe that buns baked on Good Friday would not mold or spoil during the year. Buns could also be used for medicinal purposes and a piece given to someone who is ill will help them to recover. Hung from the rafters in the kitchen the buns would ward off fire and guarantee that all bread baked there would come out of the oven perfect.
Now here is a little art for you called “Having Fun with our Buns:”_ Go find yourself some colorful satin ribbon and place one strip diagonally from upper left hip to lower right and the other strip from upper right hip to lower left now that you have successfully crossed the cleft of your buttocks, you can be one of the ones sporting Hot Cross Buns. Now Deric likes hot cross buns of another type, a good spanking leaving red red and don’t wet the bed, making a cross is easy if you use a spanking spoon. It just takes a bit of artistic talent. See below for a rending of a spanking spoon by someone with artistic talent. You can find one in any Porno store or check out your kitchen and see what you got.
Now about those hard little funny tasting pieces found scattered through-out Hot Cross Buns.
Citron: a: a citrus fruit resembling a lemon but larger with little pulp and a very thick rind. b: a small shrubby tree (citrus medica) that produces citrons and is cultivated in tropical regions. c: the preserved rind of the citron used especially in cakes and puddings.
Back in the day the citron was used mainly for medical purposes: to combat seasickness, pulmonary troubles, intestinal ailments, and other disorders. The essential oil was regarded as an antibiotic and the juice mixed in wine was an effective antidote to poison. Seeds of the citron have been found in excavations dating back to 4000B.C. Our queer brother Alexander the Great brought the seeds and citron back to the Mediterranean region about 300B.C. Today the citron is used for the fragrance or zest of its outer peel. To make the citron palatable to use in cakes, a process one would not care to do in their kitchen is followed as this. The citron fruits and halved and immersed in seawater or ordinary salt water to ferment for about 40 days, changing the brine every 2 weeks; and then rinsed. After partial de-salting and boiling to soften the peel, it is candied in a strong sugar solution. The continual process of drenching the fruit in syrup causes the fruit to become saturated with sugar preventing the growth of spoilage microorganism.
Miracle in my studio kitchen.
Here goes a little story about what happened one Easter week in my studio kitchen. I rented a real cheap 2nd floor 4 large room studio back a number of years ago. Real cool place, oh yeah, real cool. I mean no heat at all except for a small kerosene heater, no water, drag those jugs home, but raw space and only $35 dollars a month. A do what you want to space, drive a nail in the wall okay, paint on the floor no problem, take out a wall to enlarge a room, fine and dandy. The space was once the apartment of the notorious cleaning woman Emma Bee and was up above the package store run by Stubby Stabba. A group of us young artists had moved into the run down section of town taking over some of the nearly abandoned buildings. Let me also mention there was no bathroom just an out-house near what we fondly call Turd Brook. Now it was Easter week 1972 in the run down section of town, where everyone was hoping for something good to happen so they could get the hell out. I had just put together a large arrangement of branches of thorns and cut out from color paper fancy birds in flight and hung them all around the cruci-bush. My decorating work done I set about making a cup of tea. Lemon tea all poured I opened up the box of buns and what to my wondering eyes did appear, but a little Easter duck made from frosting soaking his rear. Hasten the sign of the cross!! Call the Virgin Mary and tell her that she had competition. Forget the Alleluias, as they had been buried for the season only to be awakened on Easter Morning. Oh dear, oh dear its a miracle in the run down section of town. I spread the word quickly, come on down to the run down section of town and see that which has happened. Right there, right on the cellophane window of my Hot Cross Buns box. I quickly made up a sign “HOT CROSS BUN MIRACLE” Come One, Come All, just 25 cents and you too can see, this once in a life time miracle. So I put the box out on a nice table, carefully put a string from the box top to the wall to hold the top open, lit 3 candles, sang the Hot Cross Bun song and no sooner having finished then friends started to line up wanting to see the little duckie. Word spread across the street to the Purple Cow, dive of all dives and a few souls came across the street to behold the miracle. Everyone knew that a great art work was in the making and they all couldn’t wait to join in the festivities. We all had a good time that afternoon, there was a run on Hot Cross Buns at the local grocery store by anyone looking for a miracle, and the local scribe entered the details into the Book of Days and Days. All in all the little miracle duck brought in $20.50 in admissions which I used to buy some canvas, paint, a bottle of Gallo Port and put $5.00 towards next months rent.
“Not the original Miracle Duck but a close cousin.”
So I hope dear readers you all have enjoyed my little Easter postings. Come back again sometime and I will tell you some more stories.
Who was Eostre: A Germanic goddess, EOSTRE was very popular with the Anglo-Saxon pagan brigade who worshipped her under the name — and kicked off the whole Easter business without a JESUS in sight. If you ever wondered what eggs and bunnies have to do with crucifixion and resurrection, the answer is: absolutely nothing.
“Hot Cross Buns” is an English language nursery rhyme, Easter Song and street cry referring to the spiced English bun known as the hot cross bun, which is associated with the end of Lent and eaten on Good Friday in various countries.
We like the original version of this song that had the lines “Good Friday comes this month, the old woman runs With one or two a penny hot cross buns. This was found in the 1798 version of the street cry in London.