BEES SWARM AT OPENING! ART PATRONS STAMPEDE!

Posted: May 13, 2017 in art, Events, Our Stories

OH ART OH PRESS RELEASE……..OH ART OH PRESS RELEASE……….OH ART OH PRESS RELEASE……….OH ART OH PRESS RELEASE……….OH ART OR PRESS RELEASE

Mrs. Emma O. Furbird & Miss Cassey Role

News to Amuse Bulletin #36

BEES SWARM AT OPENING! ART PATRONS STAMPEDE!

SAN DIEGO-CALIF.– AN AFTERNOON TEA AND ART OPENING ON TUESDAY AT THE GADTONE GALLERY ENDED ABRUPTLY AND TURNED INTO A WILD MELEE. HUNDREDS OF BEES CAME SWARMING DOWN FROM THE CEILING OF THE GALLERY STARTLING PATRONS AT A SHOW ENTITLED DANGER/ART. ACCORDING TO EYEWITNESSES AT THE OPENING, PATRONS IN THEIR HASTE TO GET TO THE EXIT DOORS KNOCKED OVER TABLES OF FOOD AND BEVERAGES, DAMGED WORKDS OF ART, AND A WOMEN WAS INJURED WHEN SHE WAS PUSHED AND LANDED FACE DOWN IN MARY VITO’S SCULPTURE, “LARGE WHITE EGGS HIDDEN IN FINE SAND”,CAUSING MASSIVE DAMAGE TO THE WORK OF ART. THE WOMEN REQUIRED MEDICAL ATTENTION AND AN AMBULANCE WAS SUMMONED.

“I THOUGHT AT FIRST THAT I WAS WITNESSING SOME FORM OF ARTISTIC PROJECTION,” STATED JEAN JONES, “BUT THEN I REALIZE THAT THE BEES WERE INDEED REAL WHEN ONE BUZZED PAST MY EAR.” I GOT THE HELL OUT OF THERE REAL FAST.” IN A STATEMENT TO OUR ROVING REPORTER ROSE BUSH OUR NEWS TO AMUSE REPORTER, MR. HALVIN GATONE OWNER OF THE GALLERY SAID, “WE APOLOGY TO OUR GALLERY ARTISTS AND PATRONS.” “WE DO NOT KNOW HOW THE BEES ENTERED THE GALLERY, AND WILL BE DOING EXTENSIVE SEARCH FOR ANY POSSIBLE INGRESS POINTS.

OTHER WORKS OF ART BESIDES VITO’S THAT WERE DAMAGED OR DESTROYED IN THE PANIC WERE, BILLY CRISIS VIEDO SYSTEM FOR, “NO BEEPING WHILE BACKING UP TRUCK”, MISSY WRIGHT’S STRING CONSTRUCTION, “DON’T TRIP ON THIS OR A BUCKET OF WATER WILL LAND ON YOUR HEAD.” (IT WORKED) AND FARMER BROWN’S “HUNGRY PIG IN A PEN,” WHICH DURING THE EXCITEMENT BROKE LOOSE FROM ITS CONFINES, RAN MADLY ABOUT THE GALLERY, STARTLING PATRONS FUTHER, AND FINALLY STOPPED TO GOBBLE UP ALL THE FOOD WHICH HAD FALLEN ON THE FLOOR.

“ALL IN ALL IT WAS A VERY WILD AFTERNOON,’ MS. JONES STATED.

…..OH ART OH MAIL ART GALLERY, NEWS TO AMUSE BULLETINE #36, DECEMBER 1990.

 

Note on this work: Before the Onion, before fake news this bulletin was #36 in a series of news to amuse bulletins that our mail art gallery attendants Mrs. Emma O. Furbird and Ms. Cassey Role sent out to our mailing list. When visiting at a gallery show the other day I thought of this one when I noticed a lot of yellowed ghost tape marks on the ceiling of the gallery and said, “Let me go to the book of written works and find Bees Swarm At Opening, Art Patrons Stampede. Sure enough I did find the piece so I want to share it with all of you.

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